i wish my penis had a tongue
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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