I feel like I'm in dance class right now
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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