fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
