I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
