You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
