i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
