So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
