they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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