i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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