I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
