1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
