your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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