Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
