First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
