A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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