like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
