Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
