I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize