He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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