My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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