I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
