If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
