Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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