I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
