People with herpes should wear stickers.
Is it because I queefed?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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