That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I deserve this hangover.
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