i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
love makes seman taste better
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
