Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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