Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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