Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
When are your genitals available?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
