He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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