How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
