I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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