i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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