My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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