this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
