There was a lot of him and a little penis
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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