similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
