im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
