Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
