return my video game
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
