i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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