They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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