he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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