Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
