You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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