i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
