You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
