Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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