my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
