Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
