Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Sober January is a disaster.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
