I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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