found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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