How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
