I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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