So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
