That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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