I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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