I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
