how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it was like his penis was on wheels.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
